I wanted to write about my last experience at a clothing store for bigger sized women. I will not say the name of the store. I wanted to shop there because I find that Wal-Mart and Target have nice clothes but their clothes are not fashionable. Well to me at least they aren’t. So I went into the store with every intention to find a cute outfit. I had a family party coming up and I wanted a new fresh out fit. I started looking at the pants. I had a sales associate walk up to me and started to push pants on me. I am a big girl. I know what looks good on me and what doesn’t. She proceeded to show me pants all around the store. Each one she brought up I found something wrong with it. I have to say, even though I am a big girl I know my body. On top of the fact that I am a big girl I have had to hide my body my entire life. Next we started looking at shirts…oh the shirts! Having to cover my fat arms and my scars…but look at all these tank tops!! Look at all these sleeveless shirts..soooo beautiful!! I look at them at get more and more sad. Sad at the fact of how fashion is and what is considered to be something that looks good. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Maybe. Maybe I am stuck in a world where I do not belong. A world full of beautiful skinned people with perfect bodies. When you have scars or you are overweight you want to do your best to hide. I want to look fashionable and not show off my skin. How is that possible in a world full of Victoria Secret and Kardashians? Isn’t it fashionable to show off your skin? Aren’t you considered beautiful if you show off your skin? Camouflage! Cover it up and look fabulous. You wear spanx and work it girl!! You push that fat in and cover up. I swear I now the ability to cover up, still look sexy and most importantly feel comfortable in my own skin. I have always wanted to start a clothing line for bigger women with scars. Bigger women with insecurities. Bigger women who could cover up and look fabulous. Maybe change fashion to cover up and make exposing yourself taboo again. Who am I kidding!! Needless to say, I walked out of the store empty handed and just put together something in my closet. I felt great about my body and had a great time.
Camouflage
Why do you sit and wish for every dream to come true? Sit back and let life throw you every curve ball. Don’t be so anxious to have your life already lived. Can anybody show me the book of life? The book that shows all the answers to everyday problems. Does a book like this even exsist? Show me how to live, tell me what I am doing so wrong. When you love and lose, is there anymore left to live for? Why does the past still seem like the present and yet life changes everyday? Even though memories have been made, feelings are there that cannot be hidden. Trying to put emotions aside that shouldn’t be there. The emotions of despair, loneliness and failure. Why does life have to be so strange? Caught in my emotions and needing to release. Every turn of the moon feels thankful for another day. Growing up not knowing the truth. Not knowing if there is someone special who holds all my answers. Going through life blind. Blind to the fact that there is more to life then what is really there. Trusting her every instinct. Knowing that she will be her best guide.
She is stronger than ever! 