Category: marriage

Smudging

Smudging generally refers to the practice of burning herbal material. In order to smudge properly you must start at the front door and light your smudge stick. Then, begin to move around the home, Move mindfully and with care, walking clockwise around the entire perimeter of the home. This is pretty much what I read about online. I had never heard about smudging until I had watched a medium show online.

I have had several weird experiences happen to me throughout the years and never really thought about them. I brushed them off like weird experiences. The first experience was when my grandfather had passed away back in 91 and I always felt like someone was watching me or had someone with me. Throughout the years I felt like he was looking after me.

When I had my first son, he was always attracted to looking at the corner of my rooms. He would point and smile and interacted with “something” that was not there. At the age of four, he started telling me about this old man who would come and visit him during the night. He would say that the old man sits in the corner and watches him. My son would tell me that he is afraid of the old man. We moved shortly after these experiences and I thought by moving these experiences would stop.

We moved into my current house and I have had some real trippy things happening here. I have outdoor cameras that would record orbs in front of my house. Weird looking orbs that would stop moving or move fast and come at the same time every night. I started a you tube channel and put a ton of videos up. I then felt like more and more were showing up so maybe I was inviting them and so I deleted the videos and the you tube page.

Some of my experiences include being pushed down my stairs, hearing growls, seeing shadows, having my house alarm go off numerous times when set on away (only to come home to an empty house), my kids seeing figures, and lastly having this weird sense that “something” is there but I never knew what it was.

I went online and looked up how to smidge a house. I did exactly what it said to do online. My mom had went to Calistoga and had a smudge stick blessed by a Native American. I got everything ready and tried to stay focused. They say to stay with it and repeat a chat telling who ever is there to vacate. I will admit it, I was nervous but when I was going from room to room I started to feel more comfortable. I made sure to open my all of my windows and doors and kept them opened until I had finished. I paid close attention to the corners, the mirrors, electronic devices and clutter.

As weird as it may be, I feel like my house is lighter. It does not feel as “heavy” when you walk in. I feel like I can walk places and do not have that eerie feeling. After I did this I got a weird phone call from my Oma who asked me if I had ever smudged. I told her that I have and she asked me if I could go over to her house and smudge her house. She said she feels as if my grandfather is pulling her to join him. She cannot sleep in one room because she feels like something is there and does like the night time. I am excited to see how it works when I go over there. I am hoping that she will be able to rest easy at night and not be afraid.

Has anybody ever experienced something like this? Or does anybody have any comments about smudging? I would love to hear about it.

The Wedding

The wedding day was slowly approaching and she was freaking out. It wasn’t even her wedding day. It was the closet person to her, her sisters wedding. Everything was going smoothly until the day came to decide on the maid of honor and bridesmaid dresses. She knew what was in store. Her sister would want her to wear something form fitting, revealing and something not her style. She dreaded going shopping but she knew she had to go. The first store was a total bust. The bridesmaid had found a dress that was perfect for her body because she was a size 2! She could wear any dress in the entire store! Not her though, she was size 20. She had curvy hips and an unforgiving backside.

On to store two they go. Looking around the store there were a ton of beautiful dresses. Some in sizes up to 28. She was finally starting to feel a little more at ease. She liked the selection and the bigger sizes. Out of no where her sister pulls out this ungodly atrocious maroon dress. It was form fitting and had capped sleeves. Her sister was being pushy and convinced her to at least have her try it on. She went to the dressing room and crawled into the dress. Every possible place that could bulge, did. She tried lifting her arms and they would stop midway from being so tight. Then she had her entire arm completely exposed. Her entire burned arm was exposed. How could she tell her sister that she was uncomfortable? How could she let her sister know that the dress was not going to work?

It would have been ok and she would have made it work but then there was the best man. The best man who was constantly flirting with her and would have to walk her down the aisle. He would have to look at her arm. He would have to see the scars. She was mortified. She kept quiet about the dress and left without buying it. Her sister was very persistent and made her go to the wedding shop again. They went and she tried on the dress again and was sick to her stomach. She was not walking down the aisle in this dress. Well, her mom stepped in and made her wear the dress and said that “It wouldn’t be that bad.” She bought the dress, got home and shoved it in the closet. She wanted nothing to do with that horrid dress and wanted to forget all about it.

The wedding day had arrived. The bridesmaid and the sister had went to go get their makeup and nails done and did not invite her. She got dressed at her parents house by herself and did her own hair and makeup. She arrived at the church and tired to sit in the dressing room. The dress was super uncomfortable so she had to stand. The sister’s vail was crooked and she tried to fix it but her arms would not go up higher than midway. The sister started to get upset and yell at her. She explained how the dress was and that it was super uncomfortable. All she heard was “Deal with it” and “It’s your sisters day, don’t ruin it” from her mom.

The time came for her to walk down the aisle. She started to to tear up and wanted to run out of there but she didn’t want to make a scene. She grabbed her flowers and tried to cover her arm as much as possible. The best man had no idea what was going on but did look at her arm and made a weird grossed out look. She was humiliated. She came up with up a brilliant idea that she could just hide her arm by switching sides with the best man. It would solve everything!! She could hide her scars from everybody.

Well, that didn’t work out. As soon as they started to line up she tried to go to the other side and her mom saw what she was trying to do and started yelling at her! She argued that it was fine and not big deal but her mom was not having it. Her mom grabbed her by the arm and told her to stand on the other side. She wanted to burst into tears. Did nobody understand what was going on? Could nobody see how much she wanted to hide herself?

The music started and the best man pulled her down the aisle. She was so embarrassed. Friends and family were just peering at her arm like she was an alien. Eyes bulging out of their heads with snide looks. She kept walking and was finally at the alter. She finally could feel some relief. She was finally able to hide her arm. She stood at the alter with her face as red as the dress. Finally the vows were said and the kiss was made!! It was done. It was over with!

*This was one of the most humiliating times in my life that I want to forget even existed but I seem to remember a lot. It would be the setup for the next five years of my life that would be total hell. This was the day that had started everything.

So confused! :(

Does he really does love me? I know that I want him to love me. Is he in love with me? I have no idea. He is loyal, trustworthy and a hardworking man. Yes. Yet, I do not know if he is in love with me. I know that you can love someone and not be in love with them. I want that though. I want his heart. I want to know if he is in love with me. Why? I can’t answer that. I know from his previous relationship he went above and beyond for her. He bought her a ton of clothes and jewelry and he said that he thought he was in love with her. Is it possible to be in love, fall out of love and then to be in love again?

It has been something I have longed for. Like a quest. Not a competition. A journey to see if he would ever fall in love with someone like me. It really sounds odd but it is true. He is EVERYTHING that I want in a man. I couldn’t ask for more, but yet I could. How can you tell if a man is love with you? Can you tell by their actions? Can you tell by their words? Or do you just know? I struggle with not knowing on a daily basis. I struggle with the fact that I do not fully believe him when he says that he loves me.

I have opened up to him about this and he loves the fact that he leaves me confused and constantly wondering. How do you really ever know though? Is it something a man does or says that shows that he is in love with you? I guess I will never really know.