Hope

20190121_074933Why do you sit and wish for every dream to come true? Sit back and let life throw you every curve ball. Don’t be so anxious to have your life already lived. Can anybody show me the book of life? The book that shows all the answers to everyday problems. Does a book like this even exsist? Show me how to live, tell me what I am doing so wrong. When you love and lose, is there anymore left to live for? Why does the past still seem like the presentand yet life changes everyday? Even though memories have been made, feelings are there that cannot be hidden. Trying to put emotions aside that shouldn’t be there. The emotions of despair, loneliness and failure. Why does life have to be so strange? Caught in my emotions and needing to release. Every turn of the moon feels thankful for another day. Growing up not knowing the truth. Not knowing if there is someone special who holds all my answers. Going through life blind. Blind to the fact that there is more to life then what is really there. Trusting her every instinct. Knowing that will be her best guide.

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Scarred

Scared, terrified, hands sweaty, fingers trembling, feeling like she is in someone elses skin, body and mind, why can’t people see her fears? Hear her thoughts? wanting someone to listen, kiss her, be there for her when she needs love, rough and wild love, pure not nasty, looking at me crazy, look past her body, replace my scars, take away all these horrific scars, so silent, completely alone, kiss her softly, sexually, tickle her in a naughty way, no one notices her, what are you doing? be with me, hold me, wanting too much, hating life, gloomy thoughts, only one suffering, no one cares, playing with my mind, destroying my life, confused, dazed, lost. Hear me, take me, don’t leave me alone, care for just me, letting myself loose, getting stares, these awful unforgiving stares, STOP STARING AT ME!! hating to be looked at, wanting pleasure, bring pleasure, words told, unthoughtful words, hearing nothing, eyes are deceiving, bring pleasure, emptiness, bare surroundings, silence, blackness, darkness, come to me, i am angry, killing my heart, feeling helpless, no memories, blankness, is there more than this? getting lost, suffering mind, tremendous fear, always losing, no reflection, invisible to the world, outside looking in, alone, fearing people, try to be free, no care, no love

A night to never forget

A strange hand, feels cold, very cold, like she never felt it before, feeling uncomfortable, and not wanting to be there, thinking the people around her were her friends, wanting o erase the night, so much anger, just wanting to hit somehitng hard or runaway and crythe night away, he making fun of her, trying to be nice, he not having a life, stuck in a fantasy life, nothing ever making sense, feeling nervous like someone was watching over her, talking to her best friend, having nothing in common with her, making her feel unwanted, watching the hour fly by, just wanting to be held or be left alone, so many mixed emotions, seeing the mark on his neck, having his pager go off, making her wonder, who would page him, getting jealous like they were going out, never knowing what he thinks, what he does or if he really ever thinks of her, making her fall in love with him, something that never really exsisted, so many questions going unanswered, wantign to give in, starting something that will never be finished, slowly dieing inside, ripping her insides out, it will all soon be over

Thoughts

Life can be pretty cool, chillen with friends, hanging out, living life to the fullest, tomorrow always brings something new, what will happen, time will only tell, wating to freeze time, having too much fun, getting in trouble, staying out late, being close to someone you really like, having them tickle your every tickelish spot, caressing your body with every soft touch, never really knowing what love is, going back and forth betweens guys, never deciding what they mean to her, being confused, letting them see places only God has seen, slowly slipping into another world, a world without any boundaries, any limits, any rules, letting herself be free and have no care in the world, that’s the only problem, she doesn’t care, the outcome won’t matter to her, getting called names, some she doesn’t want to hear, making her out to be something shes not, if she would have just cared, if she would have just looked twice about the outcome, its too late, she is gone, never to be seen again, only an image of our past, she let guys rule her life, her fun has finally ended

Granny

As the years go by people come and go, I never thought losing you would make me feel so low. Though we weren’t that close you have a special place in my heart. I will always think of you, those memeories will never part.

You lived a long time, you touched a lot of lives. Granny, you were the best great-grandma I could ever asked for, I only wish we could have shared good-byes.

Times goes by whether you like it or not, you have the choice to love or to live with angry thoughts. You have touched my inner self with the little things you say, I will miss you forever, each passing day.

Some goodbyes are goodbyes but some goodbyes are forever.

2013

You came into my life and I had no idea how my life would change, I have enjoyed speding my time with you and now I have things I need to rearrange. You make me laugh and make me smile, for you I would go the extra mile. I love your kisses and how you touch me so soft, I’m not willing to lose you I will keep you whatever the cost. I’m excited to see what our life will bring and what we will become, I hope you stay strong with me so we will have a great outcome. Your brown eyes look at me and make me blush, my cheeks turn red and I get such a rush!

Say it’s not so

With arms as big as trucks and eyes that could melt my heart, I’m praying that we will never be torn apart.

I love his smile and caring ways, he makes my mind go into a daze.

With every passing day I fall in love with him even more, I want to be with him every waking second, even more than before.

I have devoted myself to this man and this man alone. God only knows if he leaves I will moan and groan.

Please tell me why this girl has to be so cold and try to tear us apart. I want us to stay together and not have to make a new start.

He has taught me patience and to not let life pass you by. If the test comes back positive its going to be hard to say goodbye.

Please let me stay with this man I adore. If I don’t have him in my life my heart will be sore.

The best outcome will be that the child isn’t his. It will be a blessing and we can have our own kids.

Let this all be a bad dream where I just wake up. I want to have his kids and start a life with no cover up.