Granny

As the years go by people come and go, I never thought losing you would make me feel so low. Though we weren’t that close you have a special place in my heart. I will always think of you, those memeories will never part.

You lived a long time, you touched a lot of lives. Granny, you were the best great-grandma I could ever asked for, I only wish we could have shared good-byes.

Times goes by whether you like it or not, you have the choice to love or to live with angry thoughts. You have touched my inner self with the little things you say, I will miss you forever, each passing day.

Some goodbyes are goodbyes but some goodbyes are forever.

2013

You came into my life and I had no idea how my life would change, I have enjoyed speding my time with you and now I have things I need to rearrange. You make me laugh and make me smile, for you I would go the extra mile. I love your kisses and how you touch me so soft, I’m not willing to lose you I will keep you whatever the cost. I’m excited to see what our life will bring and what we will become, I hope you stay strong with me so we will have a great outcome. Your brown eyes look at me and make me blush, my cheeks turn red and I get such a rush!

Say it’s not so

With arms as big as trucks and eyes that could melt my heart, I’m praying that we will never be torn apart.

I love his smile and caring ways, he makes my mind go into a daze.

With every passing day I fall in love with him even more, I want to be with him every waking second, even more than before.

I have devoted myself to this man and this man alone. God only knows if he leaves I will moan and groan.

Please tell me why this girl has to be so cold and try to tear us apart. I want us to stay together and not have to make a new start.

He has taught me patience and to not let life pass you by. If the test comes back positive its going to be hard to say goodbye.

Please let me stay with this man I adore. If I don’t have him in my life my heart will be sore.

The best outcome will be that the child isn’t his. It will be a blessing and we can have our own kids.

Let this all be a bad dream where I just wake up. I want to have his kids and start a life with no cover up.

Memories

20141027_181252Do you ever have flashbacks of your younger years? I get them more now than ever. I have random memories pop up and I feel lost in that moment. Some memories are amazing others not so much. My latest memory was when I was in 3rd grade. They had these huge metal rings that you would swing on. You had to stand in line to get your turn. It was my turn and I look over to my left and I see my mom on the playground. My mom worked as an assist in a classroom and helped out in classrooms. My hands were very sweaty so I wiped them off on my jeans and reached for the first ring. Because of my burn I was not able to stretch out my arm as my other arm. My mom started walking in closer. I just smiled at her as if I was reassuring her that I was ok. I then proceeded to start a swinging motion for the second ring. My hand had slipped and I feel into the bark. I heard a couple of snickers but I brushed myself off and stood up. Before I knew it my mom was grabbing me under my underarns and tried to put me on the rings. I got so upset. I started kicking my legs and telling her no. Some of the kids got upset and started telling me I had to wait in line again. I felt so embarrassed. Why would my mom do this to me? Did she feel sorry for me?

All my life I was treated differently than my sister. I was given more and shown more love. They say favoritism shouldn’t exsist in a family. That’s all I felt growing up. I was given special treatment because I was burned. I felt bad for my sister. Till this day my mom and sisters relationship is very toxic. I am always put in the middle of their arguements. I hear both sides and I have to stay neutral. My sister doesn’t understand my mom and my mom doesn’t understand my sister. Its a constant struggle. I love both of them dearly.

My Birthday

Just me
I don’t like to smile in pictures

This year I have been asked several times what I would like for my birthday. I really thought about this. What I would love would be to give back. I decided to start a fundraiser for Shiners Hospital. My goal is to raise $1,000.00 by May 1, 2019.

I had the opportunity to stay at Shriners for a week while I received three releases on my arm. It was an amazing opportunity. I was provided the best care and had amazing nurses. My dad also stayed with me and took great care of me. It was awesome!! I thought the best way for me to make my birthday even better would be to give back. Here is the link to my fundraiser!

https://donate.lovetotherescue.org/fundraiser/1968881

 

 

 

 

 

Snapchat

screenshot_20181011-165738_snapchat.jpg

What a genius idea. To take womens worst flaws and disguise them to the point that the whole face changes. Eye color changes, wrinkles are erased, acne is covered up. It can take 20 years off of your life. Some use snapchat for fun but others use it to really cover up a flaw. When I was burned I had the boiling water splash onto my chin. My mom thought it would be a wonderful idea to do a simple surgery to remove my burn. The simple surgery turned into a scar that looks like my neck was slashed in an alley. Funny because I actually used that as a made up story to how I got that scar. I have to laugh at my scars because they are permante. Permanent. A devastating word. Its permanent. Something that will never change nor go away.

 

Christmas Eve

It was December 24, 1985 and I was hyper and not feeling well. I remember running around the house. I refused to take my cough medicine and I was starting to aggrevate my mom. She was able to get me to calm down and I finally took my favorite grape cough medicine. I was curious to see what was going to be for dinner. I saw my sister helping my mom cook so I decided to join. I grabbed and pulled a chair from the kitchen table over the stove. I climbed up on the chair and was able to feel the steam from the boiling water. It was a huge pot of boiling water made for noodles for spaghetti. I watched the bubbles form and pop and the steam rise. I do not know what had happened next. I was told that I grabbed the pot and feel into the garbage can. I remember standing in my kitchen doorway and my dad ripping off my zip up pajama. The zipper had melted together. I then remember opening my eyes and seeing my moms face frantic, crying. I was wrapped in only a towel. My mom was crying hysterically. I blacked out.

I will never forget the smell of that burn unit. The huge metal tub I would bathe in in the middle of the burn unit. There were three beds plus mine. I stayed in the hospital for three months after I got burned. My family came and visited me daily. I will never forget that smell, the sounds and the looks from my family.

My mom blamed herself for years. I heard later on in life that she had turned around to go to the sink and thats when I fell. I call it an accident. I do not know all the details only what I vaugely remember. I try not to remember. I try to forget what happened but I am reminded on a daily, hourly, minute basis of what happened that night. The look on my moms face will never be erased.